did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
