i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
