Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
