I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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