I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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