Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
