i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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