tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
