The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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