You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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