But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
