Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
