ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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