I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
