Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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