He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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