I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
