Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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