just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Holy sore nipples Batman
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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