i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
