Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
