How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
