I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
