Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
