So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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