Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
