I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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