Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
