My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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