im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
