take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
