bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
