there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
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No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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