Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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