remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ketchup is God's man juice
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
