Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
