Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
