also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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