I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
