i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
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Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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