I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
