this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
