Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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