Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Randomize
