so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
