I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
