will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it was like eating out sand paper
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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