when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
