Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
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Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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