i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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