My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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