WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
