We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
