Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
