So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
