Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
