i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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