i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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