She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
this is an emotional support booty call
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
