you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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