Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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