Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
