so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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