You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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