So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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