I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
