Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How naked do you want me to be?
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