Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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