I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize