our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
