so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
