I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
