he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My pussy is not your playground.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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