I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
