she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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