It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
