As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
