I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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