Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you made out with another girl for some wings
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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