Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
