drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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