I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
